MLK-day Holiday Buffet

The NBA: a lot of chocolate, some sugar (likely imported) dusted in for posterity, and a healthy dose of green leaf.

And with that, here are some generalizations, sweeping assumptions and deadly observations — in round-up form! — about the NBA’s annual homage to the King:



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• Milwaukee v. NOOCH (I know the Ok. City is gone, but I refuse to let NOOCH die)

The Bucks looked sweet... for five minutes, just like every game. Whatever Michael Redd does before tip-off, he either needs to stop or continue to do it before each quarter. What star scores 13 in the first, four in the second, and ends with 19? A half-star. And did you know the muck-filled hole salmon dig, to lay eggs in, is called a redd? Keeps getting worse for OSU Buckeyes.

Milwaukee actually has enough man-for-man talent to be considered beyond "rebuilding," but they all play like they hate the city of Milwaukee. Which they do. But it was all moot against the NOOCH. The Hornets are making the next step and the Bucks are just glad tomorrow is almost yesterday.

Today's "What’s Wack about the Association" — because of the anemic East, the Bucks may have an easier time making the playoffs than the far superior Hornets.

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• Celtics v. NYK

The last time the Celtics played the Knicks they won by 45. This time: 16. Leading the league in moral victories: Nate Robinson.

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• Pistons v. Magic

I wasn't able to watch as much of this as I would've liked, but saw what I needed.

I love Rasheed, and future posts will illuminate why he's the most entertaining player in the Association. But on the last shot of the game, who cares about rebound position? Rotate over and disrupt the shooter! Sheed was too busy thinking about his special post-game brownies (wink), or post post-game donut (wink-wink).

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• Heat v. Cavaliers

When you take a Shaq, wipe your Heat.

Dwayne Wade walks like Eddie George did at the end of his Titans career, limping and constantly stumbling. He only pushed himself because LeBron was in town. Though he played superb, he had to work soooo hard digging jump shots out of the Big Shaq Hole offense.

Shaq looks like a St. Bernard who drank one too many martinis during brave rescues of the past. His hips hurt and his vision is suspect. That’s Ol’ timey.

And what does the [Dr. Martin Luther] King mean to you? LeBron James: “It’s self explanatory.”

Brilliant? Or a throw-away thought meant to give time for composing a media-appropriate answer? Still, intentional or no, he essentially said his being is only as result of Martin Luther King’s being.

Later in the bricklayers union meeting, where a Heat/Cavs skirmish broke out, we heard LBJ say, without looking at his head coach but loud enough for him to hear clearly, “All right, all right, King James here ready to rock ‘n’roll.” The Rock ‘n’ Roll H.O.F. is in Cleveland. James has dissed the Browns and the Indians, but he’s Cleveland’s (ugh, and Ohio’s) best shot at some title.

Brilliant? Insignificant coinciding of ideals?

Either way, LeBron is in touch with spokesmanship like Michael, and just as big a ham and poor actor. But he’s a better speaker. Do you know what those qualities translate into? LBJ — President James 2030.

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• E.J. v. Charles

Barkley legitimately despises E.J. The Jet could care less about either, but likes jobs. It’s funny when both Charles and E.J. look for separate cue points of approval from Jet, who manages to assuage both by doing the Sanford & Son shoulder crimp and slight eye roll thing.

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• Nuggets v. Lakers

This Nuggs/Lakers All-Star classic was great. The first 10,000 fans each got a complimentary hot sauce, and the last 10 minutes of game time were designated for arts and crafts — with chances to participate in live-game alley-oops.

Kobe continues to defy all categorization. He must sit at home wearing an MF Doom mask while breaking the algorithms of logic widgets. The Madvillain only made five shots, but was sensational throughout with his ebullient display of Globetrotter-esque passing.

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