Phantastical Staph Infections

photo caption: my rogue cleric is kind of a 2/3 slasher with tremendous upside.

1. My b-ball fantasy team is "battling" for third place. And by battling I mean "after I was knocked out of the championship I switched back to an all-homer squad." So welcome aboard Daquan and Conley! I can honestly blame a staph infection for my poor performance. Back in the early goings of the League season, Kenyon Martin had a staph infection in his ass. Seriously. With those knees, and a staph infection in the tookus, I waived him. With a quickness. Then his ass recovered and went on to have a career-year. Whatever. Like you people give a rat's ass about my fantasy team. (ZING!) But it leads me to my next point...


DO NOT GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH "STAPH INFECTION"

2. Browns' WR Joe Jurevicius has a staph infection. Are we starting this already, Browns? Dammit!!! Really?!? We lead the league every year in these infections, I swear. NOTE TO SAVAGE: GET JANITORS. And keep our players out of the river, would you? At least until the stiches are removed. You'd think this is common sense.


photo caption: The New 2008 Browns Logo Finally Unveiled


3. Lastly, and certainly most completely related, is this gem of a find of the fantasy baseball waiver wire. Angel Pagan's fantasy notes are this summer's must-read... "Pagan is a good pickup in all formats as he is now hitting .387 with 10 RBI." ... "Pagan hit in the leadoff spot over the weekend with SS Jose Reyes out with a hamstring injury." Angel Pagan is making big things happen for the Mets- how does he do it? Here's a few guesses: (1) Astral Projection (the Monroe Technique, of course!) (2) Power Animals (3) Goddess Oil.

My guess is #3, but Angel's not returning any of my texts, so really I have no way of knowing.


photo caption: totally killing it on my fantasy squad.